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Urban Forestry class
May 27, 2008
Group #1 the best
The Pros And Cons Of Urban Forests:
Trees Are Good, But At What Cost?
absolutely writen by
Dave “Danger” Strider (group leader & older-brother figure)
A wise man once said “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” How wise was this man? Wicked wise. You have no idea. And it’s true! If there are a bunch of trees in the way, you can’t see the forest. Some people take the wise man’s words as some kind of irony thing, but look. If even one tree is in your way, you can’t see shit! It doesn’t always have to be some kind of riddle, sometimes wise people just say things that are true. Maybe there’s a forest way over there, and there’s a big-ass tree between you and over there. Can’t see through the tree, can you? So yeah, you literally can’t see the forest for the trees. Who’s ironic now? Not you, fucker.
Urban forestry is about forests in urban areas. This is a pretty decent idea, right? Wrong. Trees are good, yeah, but imagine trying to go to the store. You get in your Prius because hey, big ups to the environment, and you’re on your way to Safeway or Food Lion or whatever the shit they have in the South, by which I mean Austin or Dallas or something, where I, by which I mean Dave Strider, probably live.
Where was I.
Oh yeah, Prius. Ok, so you’re on the road going to whatever shitty southern grocery chain that is popular, and you’re living your life. Boom. You are in a forest. Dappled light, unfurling ferns, a squirrel looks at you in a weird and creepy way. You’re fucked forever, because you live in a city! Your vehicle isn’t equipped for off-roading! You live in Texas, for Christ’s sake! Have fun living in the forest for the rest of your life. Hopefully you’ll be eaten by hungry wolves before you painfully starve to death in the winter.
IN CONCLUSION: urban forestry. Not today, asshole. I’m drawing a line in the sand, the sand of Houston’s beautiful beaches. No forests. Not on my watch. I’ll see you in Hell, English.
that LITTLE SHIT
The only thing Dave’s asked for this year is a visit from his little Pesterchum friend, and you can’t really fight his logic - there’s two weeks of Christmas vacation coming up, they’ve been friends for years and never met face-to-face, he’s used his internet comic money to purchase an air mattress. His arguments are flawless, presented in an ironic letter to Santa that you found magnet-ed to the fridge. You don’t say anything, you just put the letter in an envelope addressed to the North Pole and make the kid bring it to the post office. The two of you never speak of it again. Christmas comes and he unwraps a circuit-bent Teddy Ruxpin and a hula-hoop. Not a blink. He hides his disappointment well. This is going to be so fucking great.
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