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i'm miraclemodus

Posts tagged john egbert

Jul 24 '14

Urban Forestry Class Project written for Dave Strider by John Egbert

Urban Forestry class

Ms. English

May 27, 2008

Group #1 the best

The Pros And Cons Of Urban Forests: 

Trees Are Good, But At What Cost?

absolutely writen by

Dave “Danger” Strider (group leader & older-brother figure)

A wise man once said “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” How wise was this man? Wicked wise. You have no idea. And it’s true! If there are a bunch of trees in the way, you can’t see the forest. Some people take the wise man’s words as some kind of irony thing, but look. If even one tree is in your way, you can’t see shit! It doesn’t always have to be some kind of riddle, sometimes wise people just say things that are true. Maybe there’s a forest way over there, and there’s a big-ass tree between you and over there. Can’t see through the tree, can you? So yeah, you literally can’t see the forest for the trees. Who’s ironic now? Not you, fucker.

Urban forestry is about forests in urban areas. This is a pretty decent idea, right? Wrong. Trees are good, yeah, but imagine trying to go to the store. You get in your Prius because hey, big ups to the environment, and you’re on your way to Safeway or Food Lion or whatever the shit they have in the South, by which I mean Austin or Dallas or something, where I, by which I mean Dave Strider, probably live. 

Where was I.

Oh yeah, Prius. Ok, so you’re on the road going to whatever shitty southern grocery chain that is popular, and you’re living your life. Boom. You are in a forest. Dappled light, unfurling ferns, a squirrel looks at you in a weird and creepy way. You’re fucked forever, because you live in a city! Your vehicle isn’t equipped for off-roading! You live in Texas, for Christ’s sake! Have fun living in the forest for the rest of your life. Hopefully you’ll be eaten by hungry wolves before you painfully starve to death in the winter.

IN CONCLUSION: urban forestry. Not today, asshole. I’m drawing a line in the sand, the sand of Houston’s beautiful beaches. No forests. Not on my watch. I’ll see you in Hell, English.

317 notes Tags: john egbert dave strider homestuck it isn't helpful john please stop he does this all the time every time dave complains about homework john goes 'oh i'll do it for you' and churns out shit like this

May 26 '12

miraclemodus:

homestuck kid laugh headcanons

i’m not a voice actor

i’m just really proud of the end :’)

14 notes (via miraclemodus)Tags: homestuck laugh headcanons headcanons laughing alone in my room john egbert rose lalonde jade harley dave strider aradia megido tavros nitram Sollux Captor karkat vantas nepeta lejion kanaya maryam terezi pyrope Vriska Serket equius zahhk gamzee makara eridan ampora feferi peixes jane crocker roxy lalonde Jake English dirk strider homestuck laughs reboggling

May 26 '12

homestuck kid laugh headcanons

i’m not a voice actor

14 notes Tags: homestuck laugh headcanons headcanons laughing alone in my room john egbert rose lalonde jade harley dave strider aradia megido tavros nitram Sollux Captor karkat vantas nepeta lejion kanaya maryam terezi pyrope Vriska Serket equius zahhk gamzee makara eridan ampora feferi peixes jane crocker roxy lalonde Jake English dirk strider homestuck laughs

Apr 21 '12
askdstrider:

“kill your friends dave.”

keep calm
and
kill your friends

askdstrider:

“kill your friends dave.”

keep calm

and

kill your friends

6 notes (via swagakure)Tags: kill your friends dave do it dave strider john egbert john egbert tells it like it is again askdstrider

Apr 13 '12

John: Observe some asshole using your pogo ride.

wariofan63:

that LITTLE SHIT

1,632 notes (via wariofan63)Tags: dave strider john egbert baby dave wariofan63

Apr 8 '12
  • EB: dave!
  • EB: before i die i need to tell you something.
  • EB: sometimes,
  • EB: when i'm doing your sister,
  • EB: i think about your hot mom.
  • EB: :B
  • TG: what
  • --ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
  • TG: fuck

5 notes Tags: john egbert dave strider john egbert tells it like it is grimdorks hot mom milf ddilf (derse dreamer i'd like to fuck)

Mar 24 '12

why do people assume meenah is trying to kill roxy

she’s obviously trying to see what happens if she pokes holes in a dork in pajamas

have you never heard of the spirit of scientific inquiry

283 notes Tags: meenah roxy lalonde john egbert scientific inquiry what happens when you poke a dork full of holes? who knows not meenah but she's going to find out for science!

Mar 20 '12
prince-of-glitter:

John, baby, don’t let your daughter be a noob
Just a quick, little thing thanks to the update, nothin’ special.

awwwwwwwwwwww babies raising babies

prince-of-glitter:

John, baby, don’t let your daughter be a noob

Just a quick, little thing thanks to the update, nothin’ special.

awwwwwwwwwwww babies raising babies

124 notes (via princetabris)Tags: cutie babies john egbert casey casey salamancer's summer vacation

Mar 13 '12
happy fucking birthday dave, love your good friend john

happy fucking birthday dave, love your good friend john

27 notes Tags: john egbert dave strider john egbert tells it like it is holy shit john come on it's his fucking BIRTHDAY lay off the poor guy

Mar 13 '12

i’m re-reading homestuck and holy shit john is such a dick to dave

19 notes Tags: john egbert dave strider john egbert tells it like it is holy shit john you little asshole

Feb 20 '12

askdstrider:

idk why i did this but i did

jake the secret novelty rapper is my favorite jake

7 notes (via swagakure)Tags: john egbert john egbert tells it like it is askdstrider

Feb 17 '12

4 notes Tags: homestuck_ebooks karkat dave strider john egbert expert negotiator

Feb 9 '12

sip bacardi like it’s your birthday

The only thing Dave’s asked for this year is a visit from his little Pesterchum friend, and you can’t really fight his logic - there’s two weeks of Christmas vacation coming up, they’ve been friends for years and never met face-to-face, he’s used his internet comic money to purchase an air mattress. His arguments are flawless, presented in an ironic letter to Santa that you found magnet-ed to the fridge. You don’t say anything, you just put the letter in an envelope addressed to the North Pole and make the kid bring it to the post office. The two of you never speak of it again. Christmas comes and he unwraps a circuit-bent Teddy Ruxpin and a hula-hoop. Not a blink. He hides his disappointment well. This is going to be so fucking great.

Read More

3 notes Tags: bro strider dave strider john egbert tgi friday's is john amish? skymall fanfiction miraclemodus submission

Dec 6 '11
thejohnegbertpanelguide:

the panel in which john egbert wishes he could read.

same

thejohnegbertpanelguide:

the panel in which john egbert wishes he could read.

same

332 notes (via thejohnegbertpanelguide)Tags: john egbert illiteracy

Nov 15 '11

omegle: john and jade

  • You're watching two strangers discuss your question on Omegle!
  • Question to discuss: do either a you havve crushes on any a your friends
  • Stranger 1: yes
  • Stranger 2: not really.:/
  • Stranger 1: actually my cousin
  • Stranger 2 has disconnected

1 note Tags: omegle john egbert jade harley jade/john homestuck shipping